Frank, my ballroom dance instructor of thirteen years, called at the end of August to say he would not be offering fall classes and perhaps no classes ever again.  He is 75 and ready to do other things with his time and energy.  I can't fault him for that but it leaves me in a quandary.  I'm not sure I have the energy to withstand the educating of another group of heterosexuals about the desire of a butch lead to just dance.

You see, it took me six months of persistent phone calls to convince Frank to take me on as a female lead.  He insisted that it would behoove me to learn the follows part and that he already had too many ladies signed up for classes....:::knowing Frank was only hearing his voice and had no visual::::  After many phone calls he finally relented and said I could join the beginners class he was starting in a week.  

The night of the first class arrived and Frank separated the ladies and gents to opposite sides of the room....:::moving to the men’s side, dressed in his usual attire of a flannel shirt, 501's and cowboy boots.....noticing a woman with long hair and wearing a mid-calf skirt also moving to the men's side...learning later she was just there to fill in for a lead that was absent that night::::  He then introduced himself and his dance partner and made an announcement that there would be a female learning the leads part.....:::watching as the ladies opposite him focus in on the woman in the skirt:::: 

All evening as we rotated dance partners and I introduced myself to the women I'd be dancing with, I had to endure the surprise or shock or sometimes dumbfoundedness as it registered on these ladies that I, who looked like a boy, was the female learning to lead.  :::eyes bright:::...and so the journey began.

It took close to three years of dancing with this same group of people for a lot of them to relax to the idea that I was just there just to dance and that queerness was not a communicable disease.  I had to teach the men that I was not a "man wanna be" and assure the ladies through my actions, that my intent was to learn to lead and not to strip them nekkid....throw  them to the floor and "make" them lesbians.

It took a long time for most of the ladies to get comfortable enough to dance with me closer than at arms length...::knowing it is hard to lead someone three feet apart:::  Some accepted me sooner than others and would even innocently flirt as we practiced a step.  One lady never did get comfortable dancing with me and would sit down when the tango was taught because it is lead thigh-to-thigh and not just with the frame. 

There were so many slights and slurs, embarrassments and humiliations in those first years, as well as the enjoyment of learning the art of two people moving as one to the rhythm of music.  I have loads of stories of things that happened, which now I can tell with humor and laugh at the absurdity of the situations, but it was hard then, while going through it and as much as I want to dance......I am not sure I am up for the struggle again.

Joe:::who has never been a gay rights activist.....only a butch whose passion is the dance::::