Giezdemon’s World:
Chat Room Realities?
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Bistud69, NCtwinkboi, Pumpstarter, StudJockGuy, and LoveULongTime. What do all these weird names have in common?
They are all screen names. Chat room screen names to be exact.
Oh please, like you people have never been in a chat room! Didn't you know the Internet is the new gay bar? The drinks are cheap, the DJ plays whatever you want, you don't have to fix your hair before going out, and everyone is hot. Well, at least that is what they want you to believe.
Chat rooms are like reality TV. Nothing is for real. Everything is scripted. Everyone is an actor. And like most reality shows, they are always on. Every time I log in the same people are there. Do they have jobs? Do they go outside? Have they become heliophobic and worried the sun will burn their skin? Do they wake up, yawn and stretch, just to get glassy-eyed and slack-jawed in front of a computer all day?
It’s a mystery.
My favorite chat room site is Gay.com. Oh, how I love to log on and tune out. The anticipation of it just makes me go crazy. It’s like a drug. What to you seems like 20 minutes is in reality two hours while you are chatting away. You are getting to really know people, and really having meaningful conversation. Who needs friends when you can just log on? Why waste your time on having to navigate the tricky avenues of society when you can huddle up in some dark sunless corner of your bedroom and press your face to the monitor and fall in love.
Whoever invented Gay.com should get the Nobel Peace Prize.
What I like about chat room sites is that everyone is so open and truthful. I've never met a bunch of people more into being honest and sincere. I wish people in real life were like that. How lovely it would be if real life was like a chat room. Don't you wish you could Photoshop yourself every morning to look perfect and flawless? Photoshop is the new Botox.
I know that those pics in everyone's profiles are exactly what they look like. Why would they lie? They are meeting me at the mall in an hour.
There are some rules for chat rooms you need to know up front:
"Boi" means over 35 years old.
"Stud" means girly.
"Worked Out" means pot bellied.
"Jock" means he was one…20 years ago.
And "Discreet" means if we see each other in public I will act like I wasn't sitting on your face last weekend.
There are nuances in profiles and phrases you must learn. For example if a guy says he is versatile, he is actually a bottom in denial. The bio line that reads he's looking for “real guys only” means he is fake as all get out. Those who say they are masculine and down to earth are referring to an ancient secret code that translates, “I lisp and I can't live without drama in my life.” Just remember that what ever they say they mean the opposite. It’s not lying; it’s creatively embellishing your resume.
After chatting for an hour, you decide to meet the man of your dreams out in public. Get ready for the surprise of your life! The real him is always different than his picture. It’s hard to capture someone correctly in photographs; everyone knows that. There is no rule that their picture has to be up to date. It’s doesn't even have to be one taken in this decade. Why make it that easy?
Headless pics are the new black. Why would you need to see what their face looks like? Are you so shallow you can't love someone for what's inside and have to rely on their physical appearance? Shame on you!
Crotch shots are the really new black. Why worry about their face or body when you can get right to the meat of the matter? Why the build yourself up for something that's a Vienna Sausage? Oh, before I forget, 8 inches means 5. “On the thick side” means he needs glasses because it’s like a pencil. Height/weight proportionate is probably correct, in zero gravity. And “bubble butt” means way too much junk in the trunk. Learn it, live it, love it.
There are three things you never talk about in a chat room: the truth, your real name, or your real job. We don't want you showing up on their job demanding to see your baby's daddy. Professional businessman means, “I work at McDonalds, but I show up for every shift.”
There are many other gay chat sites. Gay.com is the best because it has entertainment features and political columns, and even travel tips. I'm sure everyone reads that stuff, just like all those straight men with a Playboy subscription have it for the informative articles and witty journalism. Another leading chat site is Manhunt.net. Manhunt is for the serious hooker. There is no filler. It’s hardcore chat at its best. I can't remember the last time I saw a profile on there with some one's face on it. Where do all these naked headless men hangout?
You have to love chat rooms. They are an easy way to kill time at your office in between clients. They are an easy conversation starter for you and that distance co-worker who pops in your office and sees your chat window with Hot69Daddy open. They are a great place to go and talk about the Chinese torture of Tibetans, the War for Oil, or the problem we are facing in Darfur. It’s human interest. It’s fantastic.
All in all, we have allowed the Internet to disconnect us. Logging into a chat room and chatting is not conversation. You hear no voice. You see no face (well, you do, but I'll bet my money it’s not theirs.) You don't get to hear their tone and inflection to know if they are lying or not.
You know how you can tell a guy is lying in a chat room? He's typing.
Chat rooms are a void we all get sucked into from time to time. You just need to take it at face value and not read into it too much. When is the last time you met a guy there and it lasted? When is the last time you saw one of your fellow chat roomies out in the real world? Does KinkDudeAsheville ever leave his home to check the mail?
It’s just fonts and words on a screen. It’s not real. How could it be? Oh and by the way, don't even get me started on gay porn. Not even Tyra has had that much Photoshop, and that's photoshop at its finest. But that’s for another month, masculine discreet versatile worked out jock boi... Miss Thang if you're nasty!
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